So You Are Thinking About Brewing Beer (Part Awesome)

January 27, 2009

–This post dedicated to N. FalivenRa–

I forgot. You are fucking awesome. And foolish. You don’t need some dumbshit approximation of an equipment list, even though you’ve been to the local homebrew shop several times and returned home with the homebrewing equivalent of your dick in your hands. What you need is a goddamn recipe. And you don’t want a simple recipe that you can’t cock up. You want a recipe that will broadcast to Ninkasi, goddess of brewing, of your hairy-balled hubris. You want a recipe that will make the corseted german beer maids swoon in their pantaloons. Well, you asked for it.

496649655_ea9d2884ff

“Dirt dog,

The point of my email was that I had the gear and I needed the recipe. So you go into great length explaining the necessary equipment and punt on the recipe? Fuck this, I’m making the Westvleteren 12 clone you linked to the other day.

I am a beer snob (snobs love old style, right?) and of course I want something foolproof, because I am a fool.

Recipe for the fabled Westveleteren 12

I brewed a tweaked version of this

from the unfathomably rad homebrew blog, homebrewingadventures.blogspot.com.

I didn’t have caramunich, used munich, and it turned out remarkably close to the beer advocate heralded best beer in the world. The Belgians will tell you that St. Bernadus Abt 12 is better without the hype. Try them both for yourself.

Grain:

17.5 lb Dingemans Belgian Pilsner
1 lb Caramunich (belg)
.44 lb Biscuit
.31 lb Aromatic
.25 lb Special B
.19 lb Chocolate

Candi Sugar:
1 bottle of the Dark Candi Syrup (this is key, use the syrup)
.25 Amber Rock Candi

Hops:
1.25 oz. Styrian Golding (60 min)
.25 oz. Styrian Goldings (15 min)
.25 oz. Haullertauer (15 min)
.25 oz. Styrian Goldings (1 min)
.25 oz. Haullertauer (1 min)

Yeast: WLP 530

D. Beaglethorpe slurps Westveleteren in Anterp

D. Beaglethorpe slurps fabled greatest beer in the world, Westveleteren TWELVE, in Antwerp

So then some dude in the comments says, can I brew this extract-steez. And then some other dude says, yeah sure 13 lbs of liquid dry Pilsen light or golden. Is this a 5 gal batch or a 6 gal batch? See what happens when you don’t put a lawnmower ale recipe on cock ale? You get some dick emailing you about how to convert a crazy all-grain clone of one of the world’s craziest beers into a ridiculous extract + specialty grain recipe.

Know that I am just fucking with you and that I dream of the day when your coast is my coast.

– N. FalivenRa, Cockale Fanboy Numero Un.”

Perfect. So here’s the deal. Multiply your base grains by 0.75 for liquid malt extract, and 0.6 for dry malt extract. This will give you the correct amount. And for the Westy clone you are brewing, you’ll need 13.125 lbs of liquid pilsen. You can steep the rest in your grain bag. Also, helpful hint. Instead of some expensive ass Amber Rock Sugar, use Turbinado or some other unrefined brown blood currency for imperialists.

Here’s a chart for converting all-grain recipes to extract, care of Mr. Ray Daniels.

Pounds of	Pounds of Extract     

Grain	 Liquid	 Dry

1.0	 0.75	 0.6

1.5	 1.13	 0.9

2.0	 1.50	 1.2

2.5	 1.88	 1.5

3.0	 2.25	 1.8

3.5	 2.63	 2.1

4.0	 3.00	 2.4

4.5	 3.38	 2.7

5.0	 3.75	 3.0

5.5	 4.13	 3.3

6.0	 4.50	 3.6

6.5	 4.88	 3.9

7.0	 5.25	 4.2

7.5	 5.63	 4.5

8.0	 6.00	 4.8

8.5	 6.38	 5.1

9.0	 6.75	 5.4

9.5	 7.13	 5.7

10.0	 7.50	 6.0

update: one thing I forgot to mention. When are converting all grain recipes to extract, you are probably using a concentrated boil and diluting it in the fermenter. If so, then kick up those hops a bit, cuz you won’t get the ibu utilization that get with a full boil.

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4 Responses to “So You Are Thinking About Brewing Beer (Part Awesome)”

  1. awesomeallday Says:

    I bet you Ninkasi started out as the goddess of beer and ended up the goddess of fertility.

  2. Nick Says:

    That’s what I’m talking about! Some science from the scientist. I can’t wait to give this a try. Next you need to give me the Dragon Stout clone.

  3. Mike Says:

    Hey Danny,
    this is Andy’s brewing friend, Mike. Sweet blog! Keep up the good brewing! I just brewed a 90 min dogfishhead clone… can’t wait!
    Cheers,
    Mike

  4. D. Beaglethorpe Says:

    Hi Mike!

    Are you gonna be at the double brew day on Feb 6th with Andy? I’m thinking about bringing my equipment so that we can do a triple batch day. I smell homebrew club!


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